Are We Compatible?

couplearmaroundshoulderEvery new couple must honestly ask the question, “Are we compatible?” Of the many fundamental factors influencing compatibility, values, perspectives, and life goals are among the most important.

Since relationship break-up will often be a result of compatibility issues, all pre-marriage counseling should examine the core values couples hold, and examine these fundamental factors.

Compatibility involves:

  • finding perspectives on life that do not clash
  • discovering common values and interests, and
  • creating shared expectations and life goals.

When couples hold different values, standards, and ideals authentic compatibility becomes impossible. Couples holding opinions which are by-definition mutually exclusive, can never agree—unless one of them change. For example, if you and your partner have major differences in deeply held religious convictions, then compatibility reaches an impasse.

For romance to blossom in a relationship, compatibility is vital. It’s not that couples need agree on everything; but they have to feel safe to hold their own values and ideals without threat or conflict: this is how trust is built. With this trust in place, couples can be honest and open knowing they are accepted and valued.

Romance is designed to find its eventual fulfillment in marriage—the ultimate expression of commitment to your romance. The deepened commitment in marriage, accompanied with the sexual component of intimacy leads to compatibility at its best!

Believe me when I say this experience is absolutely awesome!

Couples who take time to invest in their relationship before marriage will undoubtedly reap the wonderful rewards of a healthy, vibrant, loving marriage! Find tools to help you determine how compatible you are with one another.

99-QuestionsAn absolutely excellent resource for couples can be found here: 99 Questions Before Saying “I Do”

Romantic Ideas for Men to Use

pure-romanceTypically, men don’t want to stop for directions; neither are romantic ideas for men such a popular topic! Men and romance are not words we naturally think of as being associated!

That being said, we must not paint every guy with the same brush (I, for one, am a hopeless romantic!). But for all those in need of a few coaching tips—we have some ideas and resources to keep in mind.

A romantic gesture can go a long way in promoting an atmosphere leading to intimacy; however, when overused, a gesture becomes routine and may actually become counter-productive. Romance requires the components of surprise, variety, and spontaneity.

Romance Ideas for Men:

  • Do some homework! Read articles on relationships. Buy a book on romance and inform your wife that you want to read it with her (you will earn bonus points with that suggestion!)
  • Your goal is to make your wife feel special: that is the long and short of romance. When she feels cherished, you’re on your way to being a successful romantic!
  • It really is the thought that counts; your actions don’t have to be grand and extravagant: simple and meaningful expressions will also work wonders.
  • Let me suggest the following books:
    • If Only He Knew, by Gary Smalley
    • 1001 Ways to Be Romantic by Gregory Godek

    1001-ways-to-be-romanticif-only-he-knew

Fun Night Date Ideas

As far back as 1988, we were looking for fun night date ideas. We had just attended a Marriage Seminar and been encouraged to have weekly date nights to consistently develop our marriage. As a young couple, there were some obstacles to this idea:

  1. We were both over-committed to work and volunteer activities.
  2. Our young children seemed to need our constant attention
  3. Finances were always tight—we couldn’t “afford” to go out or add a touch of romance to our lives.
  4. With the pace of our lives, planning for our “date night” seemed like a big chore.

fun night date ideas, romance

How to Address the Obstacles to Fun Night Date Ideas
If your lifestyle, budgets, and calendars resemble ours, then perhaps you can benefit from a few solutions that you may not have thought of!

Finances Stopping You From Using Fun Night Date Ideas?

  1. Exchange baby sitting services with other young couples you know. In this way, you greatly reduce costs.
  2. Rather than leaving home for your date night, disconnect all phones, PDAs, and computers and set up a candlelight rendezvous on the floor of your bedroom or basement—somewhere different from where you’d usually sit together and where you can be alone.
  3. Set up a “coins” jar in your kitchen, into which spare change can be emptied from purse and pockets. Saving a few dollars for a snack together heightens anticipation for your date!
  4. Is it time to “call in” some favours from friends and relatives? As a variation of #1, asking friends to participate as part of the Fun Night Date Ideas project might start something very exciting!
  5. Borrow a friend’s row boat (for a romantic Sunday afternoon paddle in exchange for allowing them to use your riding lawn mower, or borrow your new car! (just an example—you get the idea!)

Are Time and Scheduling a Problem?

  1. Everything worthwhile usually takes concerted effort to accomplish: it is true with scheduling meaningful, regular date nights. Would you miss a doctor’s or specialist’s appointment? No! You place the appointment on the calendar and everything else works around that appointment. Similarly, schedule date nights—and treat them like doctor’s appointments!
  2. The harder it is to schedule your date nights—the greater potential you have for life changing great-times together! Make the dates consistent, regular, and fun! The more fun you have, the easier it will be to do it again!
  3. Schedules are always easier to keep when other people are involved. Why not encourage a group of like-minded friends to do the same thing—and interchange giving baby-sitting services among each other. In this way, schedules are matching and intertwined—everyone depends on each other!

Check Out These Fun Night Date Ideas!

    1. The standard romantic comedy movie followed by dinner or drinks is still a favourite!
    2. Take 30 minutes in a coffee shop, restaurant, or sitting at a picnic table to write each other a love letter. If the ambiance is quiet and romantic—read them to each other.
    3. Fake a power outage at home! Turn off lights, phones, PDA’s, computers, and everything electric (try throwing the power switch!). You have few options—take out the candles, and huddle around the fireplace and communicate!

romance

  1. For a FREE night out: pick flowers at the side of a country road to give to your love; watch for shooting stars; kiss for five minutes (at a time!)
  2. Take 2 dictionaries together when you go out for coffee or a drink. Make lists of words that could be used to describe your partner. Share your lists with each other—and then look for words that you wish would describe them!!!
  3. Attend a lecture together, or take a night-school course you know you both will enjoy. Every class you attend will be your night out—make sure you start or finish with quality time together.
  4. Surprise your partner with a night out—as simple as dinner and a movie—but write clues to where your surprise will take place, and hide them in easily accessible locations. Finding the clues and placing them in order will add to the anticipation of and add a touch of romance to the evening.
  5. Radical change is hard to bring about. Introduce the Radical Date Night as an attempt to introduce change one night at a time.
    • Radical Romance Night: the man plans the date, and must introduce radically romantic elements to the entire evening. The purpose is to go overboard! Flowers, music, special attention to detail, cards, songs, gifts, will all be a part of this evening out.
    • Radically Thankful Nights: use your time together to clearly communicate areas where you appreciate your wife’s works, efforts, insights and wisdom, knowledge and skills. Write down the skills she has developed over the years, and comment specifically on her character.
    • Continue with more dates focusing on going totally overboard on other themes.
  6. A fun night date idea with your partner that will cost a few dollars: go shopping together and gather things that will be contained in your romance box: your personal collection of romantic things to always have in the house.
    The idea is to randomly, spontaneously present your partner with something from your box in anticipation of future date nights:

    • A favourite candy, a romantic card, attractive stationary to write a love note; a sexy card; wine; a series of small gifts… anything to help add a touch of romance!
  7. Find a location for your date night that is secluded enough that you can read to one another. Choose a marriage book that will deepen intimacy like, Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. Take turns reading to each other, and commenting on what you’ve read.
  8. Go out for a dinner together, and use the night to plan a recommitment of your marriage vows! Renewing your vows can take place on significant anniversaries: 5 years, 10 years, etc. Renewing your vows can be as simple as inviting a few people to witness the occasion, or as detailed as asking a minister to administer the vows. This is your chance to do what you wished would have been done first time around!

Be sure to visit our website again as we’ll be adding more fun night date ideas for you to use!

Get Inspired with these Love Letters!

The following free love letters are all original to us—non hallmark, we like to say! They are here so that you can freely “cut and paste”, or use phrases, imagery, and words for your own love letter to that special person.

Digital Image by Sean Locke Digital Planet Design www.digitalplanetdesign.com

These free love letters are categorized under topicsbut most of them could easily be adapted to any situation: the key is creativity!

Absence From Each Other

Dear _______ ,

I want your absence to be a reminder to me—reminding me that I love you so much that it hurts when you’re not with me. Strangely enough, it is a kind of hurt that does the heart good—making our times together even more wonderful than before!

It seems the times we are together are so short—yet the few stolen moments we will have with one another will compel us to look forward to the time we will be together forever!

A lifetime together lies shortly ahead; it all seems to be a blessing too great for me to receive!

Perhaps now I should share with you how much I am affected when you tell me that you love me! I can think of nothing else that means more to me than your love; your love has captivated my mind and heart, and in this respect you have made me your prisoner! I want to pledge to you my sincere, heart-felt affection and deepest devotion.


Dear ______ ,

While I’m writing this note, you’re away…and I’m here thinking about you.

I’m remarking to myself how fortunate and blessed I am to have you as my wife. I feel so happy to be married to you! Even as I write, a smile is spreading across my face attesting to that fact!

I found it difficult in the past (and more so now) to wonder why I would be so blessed as to have you!?

In some ways, I suppose, we are very different from one another; not so much that we are in conflict—but enough to make our life together fresh and dynamic.

I reminisce with fondness our engagement and our first year of marriage; yet, I am enjoying you as my wife at least as much as then—and probably more!

I love you deeply, sweetheart, and desire to make you happy and fulfilled. I so appreciate you and your abilities, your character, your smile, your beauty! You are exactly what I think my wife should be! In fact, you are more than I could have wished for, sweetheart.

Letters to use on Your Wedding Anniversary

Dearest ­­­­_______ ,

Wow! Where has the time gone? I can’t believe that our lives have been interwoven now for ____ years, and we have __ children to prove it! What a journey it has been with all of the ups and downs of life—and yet we have been spared some of the life-altering tragedies that so many face…

It is awesome to consider that although many couples’ love grows cold over time, ours is as strong as ever. I am the envy of everyone who knows me!!

To recount the things about you that make being married to you so easy, is pure joy!


My Most Wonderful Wife of ____ Years!

Being married as long as we have–I almost feel like we have a secret that no one else knows about! Remember when you discovered you were pregnant with some of our children and we didn’t tell anyone for a number of weeks. It was kind of exciting to realize we had a secret that no one else knew about! That’s how I feel now. The secret we share is the level and depth of love we have for each other. Imagine it’s like this: I look at you from a distance–say in a crowd of people where you are on the other side of the room–our eyes meet, and we both feel the excitement of the secret!

Over all the years we have grown together and love each other more than ever before! (How cool is that!)…we’ve been married ___ years! Wow–where has the time gone?! I know I don’t say it nearly often enough, sweetheart–but I love you! May this next year together be my opportunity to express my appreciation and gratitude to you as you deserve!

Free Love Letters: Plain Romance!

Dear ________ ,

I’ve just been thinking about you, and reminding myself of some of the reasons why I love you:

    You are so kind–I can see that you enjoy being nice to people.

  • Our lives are interwoven together—I can’t even fathom what life would look like without you.
  • You are so hard-working—never afraid to apply yourself to work hard at something; you are a great example for us all.
  • How integral you are to our ministry together—and to our influence on others around us
  • I am addicted to you! I love being with you, around you, beside you, and close to you.
  • If I had the opportunity to “do it all over again”, I would!

We’re Part of the Same Team

Dear _________ ,

Confession time: you are “without a doubt” my favourite Team member! (Don’t tell the others, but, yes, it’s true!) Watch the dynamics at the Team meetings: when you speak, everyone listens! Me too! In fact, sometimes, I find myself staring—and then I’m mesmerized! I start fantasizing about touching you, kissing you, and squeezing your beautiful… oh!… Just about this time, I get hot and bothered, and try to refocus and come back to earth.

What a valuable addition you are to our team!

You’re smart, sensitive, full of integrity, and a body to kill for (in a manner of speaking!). You love the people on our team, you love administration (whoa, now this is scary!), and you are actually irreplaceable!

Silly Notes

(This particular letter is silly in that it was written in a spiral shape around the outside of the paper, wrapping toward the centre.)

Dear ________ ,

You are everything I could want in a wife! I LOVE YOU!

To quote from a semi-famous guy, “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!”

I love you…

  • because of your love for God
  • because of your smile (especially that flirtatious smile!)
  • because of your unswerving support
  • because you take our relationship seriously
  • because you are so beautiful and sexy
  • because you can still enjoy the simple things of life (good conversation, lazing in bed for an extra hour once a year or so)
  • because you’re a great mother to our kids
  • because you’re such a hard worker!
  • because your eyes are green
  • because you’re so good at everything you do!
  • because you are willing to converse with me about anything
  • because you enjoy being and looking “classy”
  • because you’re readily agreeable to give me a turn, even when you’re not interested in one yourself
  • because you are beautiful and sexy
  • because you’re committed to our family being godly
  • because having the newest and best of things is not important you
  • because you are a great organizer
  • because you help me get better by being my favourite administrative assistant
  • because you can turn me on like a switch and take my breath away
  • because you have beautiful eyes and other body parts that make my head swim
  • because you like to tell stories
  • because you want all of our children to become all God has designed them to be
  • because you’re interested in our health and well-being
  • because you always care about doing what’s right
  • because it’s OK with you that I grope and gawk at you!
  • because you are so unique and not so concerned about being like other people
  • because you will talk about things that are important to me, even if they’re not as important to you
  • because you read stories to the kids
  • because you are you!

This particular letter was part of a large card, entitled “For My Wonderful Wife”. Inside the card, the following comments were written around the perimeter, and in all different directions.

I Love…

  • …telling other couples how much I value our relationship
  • …the way you smile at the baby
  • …watching you talk to a friend on the phone, and seeing you laugh and smile
  • …when you take time to have one of those special “mother-daughter” talks with our little girl, Elizabeth
  • …telling people that you are very gifted, skillful, talented, industrious, sexy, generous, down to earth, sincere, pretty, thrifty, caring for others, responsible, practical, encouraging, conscientious, simple minded (but not a simpleton, mind you!) tenacious, great at remembering phone numbers, aware of our need to encourage others, sexy (did I say this already?), easy to talk to, approachable, loves being with me
  • …doing little jobs around the house that I know you don’t like doing; in this way I know I’m really doing them for you and not for me
  • …it when you pat the couch beside where you’re sitting, and you say, “Want to sit down?”
  • …laying in bed in the morning, watching you, waiting until you wake up
  • …when you read from a book to me in bed at night
  • …bragging about you to my friends
  • …watching you read my love letters and notes
  • …to know you are happy and content
  • …snuggling up to you, wrapping my arms around you, and whispering, “I love you!” in your ear in the middle of the night
  • …when we go to bed early and just snuggle (that’s right…I said, just snuggle!)
  • …watching you hold one of the children on your lap while you read a story to them
  • …hearing you sing while working and hanging out in the house
  • …the wild evenings followed by warm embraces
  • …it when I can sense you are feeling cherished and valued

Then on the back of the card, write…

Dearest ______ ,

I echo the sentiments expressed here—especially the line that reads, “there aren’t enough days in a life time with you!” How fortunate and enriched I am to have you, Sweetheart, as my wife!

Even after being married to you close to _____ years, spending time alone with you is as pleasurable as ever! Our friendship and love has not diminished, but deepened; our intimacy means more now than ever.

You, my dear, are a wonderful wife and mother!

Romance is the Best

Romance, the language of love!

Is there anything sweeter to receive than romantic advice? Well, that depends on whether you’re a man or a woman!

pure-romance

For most men, romance is the doorway to intimacy that will (hopefully!) lead to sex. On the other hand, most women would not view romance as a means to an end at all: pure romance is the end itself!

Herein lies one of our problems, men! We don’t easily think like women.

Stereotypically, advice for men consists of the recipe approach:

  • buy cards and chocolates
  • order roses and scented candles
  • dim the lights, put on soft music
  • look in her eyes, say “I love you!
  • cook until very hot at 350 degrees

Basically, that’s the recipe approach to romantic advice! When we focus on intimacy, however, we highlight the behaviours and values that promote closeness between lovers. Here are four different areas to consider:

  • spiritual intimacy
  • emotional intimacy
  • intellectual intimacy, and
  • sexual intimacy

To develop romance, we focus primarily on emotional intimacy and the things that help us grow closer to our lover as it relates to connecting with our feelings. However, romance also needs intellectual intimacy–we must grow closer by understanding our lover. Herein is a man’s biggest challenge!

Most men know women want romance, but aren’t quite sure what to do; they discover many unspoken expectations that easily sabotage any sort of “recipe approach” to romance! The solution is to become a student of your wife–learn how she thinks: her likes, dislikes, opinions, attitudes, and values. As you pay this special attention to your wife, it won’t take long before romance isn’t so hard. Making gestures that are thoughtful, sensitive, and loving you will come second nature–and you will discover your true romantic self! 

Watch this video and you may just be inspired to write your lover an original loveletter!

Inspiration for Writing Love Letters

sample-love-lettersWith pen and paper in hand, the young man sits at his desk intending to write a romantic love letter to his wife.  His brow furrows as he thinks and concentrates, searching for the right words. Unfortunately, his mind is blank!

Do you ever find yourself in this situation?   To assist you, we are offering sample love letters to help you with writing yours! The letters are arranged under different categories—but could easily be adjusted for whatever occasions you might need them!

Free Love Letters: Why I Love You!

Dear ________ ,

I’ve just been thinking about you, and reminding myself of some of the reasons why I love you:

You are so kind–I can see that you enjoy being nice to people.
Our lives are interwoven together—I can’t even fathom life without you.
You are so hard-working—never afraid to apply yourself to work hard at something…
How integral you are to our ministry together—and to our influence on others around us.
I am addicted to you! I love being with you, around you, beside you, and close to you.
If I had the opportunity to “do it all over again”, I would!


Dear _________ ,

Confession time: you are “without a doubt” my favourite Team member! (Don’t tell the others, but, yes, it’s true!) Watch the dynamics at the Team meetings: when you speak, everyone listens! Me too! In fact, sometimes, I find myself staring—and then I’m mesmerized! I start fantasizing about touching you, kissing you, and squeezing your beautiful… oh!… Just about this time, I get hot and bothered, and try to refocus and come back to earth.What a valuable addition you are to our team!

You’re smart, sensitive, full of integrity, and a body to kill for (in a manner of speaking!). You love the people on our team, you love administration (whoa, now this is scary!), and you are actually irreplaceable!

Free Love Letters: Just Silly Love Notes!

(This particular letter is silly in that it was written in a spiral shape around the outside of the paper, wrapping toward the centre.)

Dear ________ ,

You are everything I could want in a wife! I LOVE YOU! To quote some semi-famous guy, “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!” I love you because…

-of your love for God
-of your smile (especially that flirtatious smile!)
-of your unswerving support
-you take our relationship seriously
-you are so beautiful and sexy
-you can still enjoy the simple things of life (good conversation, lazing in bed for an extra -hour once a year or so)
-you’re a great mother to our kids
-you’re such a hard worker!
-your eyes are green
-you’re so good at everything you do!
-you are willing to converse with me about anything
-you enjoy being and looking “classy”
-you’re readily agreeable to give me a turn, even when you’re not interested in one yourself
-you are beautiful and sexy
-you’re committed to our family being godly
-having the newest and best of things is not important you
-you are a great organizer
-you help me get better by being my favourite administrative assistant
-you can turn me on like a switch and take my breath away
-you have beautiful eyes and other body parts that make my head swim
-you like to tell stories
-you want all of our children to become all God has designed them to be
-you’re interested in our health and well-being
-you always care about doing what’s right
-it’s OK with you that I grope and gawk at you!
-you are so unique and not so concerned about being like other people
-you will talk about things that are important to me, even if they’re not as important to you
-you read stories to the kids
-you are you!

Free Love Letters: I Love…

I Love…

…telling other couples how much I value our relationship

…the way you smile at the baby

…watching you talk to a friend on the phone, and seeing you laugh and smile

…when you take time to have one of those special “mother-daughter” talks with our little girl, Elizabeth

…telling people that you are very gifted, skillful, talented, industrious, sexy, generous, down to earth, sincere, pretty, thrifty, caring for others, responsible, practical, encouraging, conscientious, simple minded (but not a simpleton, mind you!) tenacious, great at remembering phone numbers, aware of our need to encourage others, sexy (did I say this already?), easy to talk to, approachable, loves being with me…

…doing little jobs around the house that I know you don’t like doing; in this way I know I’m really doing them for you and not for me

…it when you pat the couch beside where you’re sitting, and you say, “Want to sit down?”

…laying in bed in the morning, watching you, waiting until you wake up

…when you read from a book to me in bed at night

…bragging about you to my friends

…watching you read my love letters and notes

…to know you are happy and content

…snuggling up to you, wrapping my arms around you, and whispering, “I love you!” in your ear in the middle of the night…when we go to bed early and just snuggle (that’s right…I said, just snuggle!)

…watching you hold one of the children on your lap while you read a story to them

…hearing you sing while working and hanging out in the house

…the wild evenings followed by warm embraces

…when I can sense you are feeling cherished and valued


We hope these free love letters give you inspiration to write your own! 

The Science of Intimacy!

For many years, neuroscientists have been interested in the role of the hormone, oxytocin, released in large quantities during childbirth. This hormone helps the birth mother experience intense bonding with her newborn (despite all the recent pain the baby has caused!). This same bonding hormone is released during orgasm, leading relationship experts (see www.the-intimate-couple.com) to refer to sex as “the Super-Glue” of marriage!

PillowTalk

More recent studies indicate that oxytocin is also released during specific social interactions, and play a neurological role that tends to promote trust, empathy, and feelings of closeness:

  • appropriate physical contact between individuals
  • hugs, non-sexual touching
  • a genuine smile
  • active listening—demonstrating authentic interest
  • constant eye contact during a conversation

Differing degrees of closeness can be developed in most relationships. It is apparent that neuroscience confirms the fact that God has wired us all to experience intimacy. Even using the few techniques and new understanding briefly described here, we will be able to develop deeper levels of significant intimacy!

5 Popular FREE Marriage Resources for 2014!

Will 2014 be the year you decide to take the most important relationship in your life to the Next Level?

marriage-next-level
In our November 2013 newsletter, we announced the 30 Day Challenge: an opportunity to receive a free daily email reminder to complete one small romanced-based action directed toward your spouse. These small actions, each arguably insignificant individually, accumulate into 30 days of noteworthy investment in your marriage!

In Jim Collins’ seminal book, Good to Great, he documents the effectiveness of the Flywheel Principle in business. An organization’s ability to transition into greatness is not by means of one large leap; it is the cumulative effect of many, small incremental changes-much like very small pushes moving a flywheel. This is the same in our marriages!

It is not the one huge effort you make, or the one action you undertake that will make your marriage transition up to the next level. It will be the many, incremental things you do!

Why not start now? Not by trying to bring lots of changes-but by bringing strategic, small, well-planned changes that will, indeed, bring you to the next level!!

Use any of these FREE resources to help transition your marriage to the next level this 2014:

  1. Begin the 30 Day Challenge (if you haven’t already!). FREE!
  2. Read the Marriage Retreats for Vision and Goal Setting article FREE!
  3. Set up a reading schedule with your spouse to read short articles on intimacy from the-intimate-couple.com FREE!
  4. Download the 4 page, Marriage Retreat Worksheet (complete with the calendar!), and spend a date night together working through plans and goals for your marriage! FREE!
    • Take the completed calendar from the retreat worksheet and transfer all the dates onto your electronic calendars and devices; place them on your Family Calendar; on the fridge-or anywhere you put important appointments!
  5. Browse the Marriage Resources page on our website. FREE!
    This page has lists…

Yes, all of the suggestions we’ve listed above are free! Nevertheless, don’t ever hesitate to invest in your marriage! Whether you…

  • pay money to obtain resources
  • invest time in conversation with your spouse, or
  • re-allocate a moment of “me time” so you can serve your significant other

…investing in your marriage is always worth it!

LoveLetter Writing 101

A few actual sample loveletters I’ve written to my wife have been made available for you to read. These are examples of love letters I’ve written to Carrie during our engagement, and throughout our 32 plus years of marriage.

I gave this loveletter to Carrie when she went away for a weekend with her sisters only a few weeks before our wedding.

Check out examples of love letters to help you get ideas for your own. Here’s a note I gave to Carrie when we had been married for a year and a half.

Carrie said she really liked this card I gave her on our 24th wedding anniversary.

Combine ideas from our sample love letters with the following guidelines, and your love letter will help develop deeper romance and intimacy!

letter-writing-101

Tips for Writing to Your Husband

Should You Read Your Letter to Her?

Every love letter should have three distinct components; when you include all three you have the making of a relationship booster that will be meaningful and memorable. Miss one of the three, and your letter will be placed in some shoe box in the closet and not treasured in the drawer of a bedside table.

1. THE TEXT: actual wording, phraseology, tone, and quality

Your letter must be well-written! It must reflect thought and care. With practice, your love letters will reflect your own unique “voice”, and will hold special meaning for your lover. A few thoughts to keep in mind when you write your love letters:

    1. Enrich your vocabulary!
      • descriptive words
      • superlative expressions (better, more than, …)
    2. Ignite your letter! Include words that convey a powerful emotion…
      • passion
      • excite
      • agony
      • devotion
      • fire
      • heat
      • intensity
      • rapture
  1. Specify your thoughts: be specific when telling your lover why you love her
    • I love when you glance at me and smile from across the room.
    • I love when you touch my shoulder when you pass by.
    • I love your body!
    • I love the way you work so selflessly for our family.
  2. Occasionally include a love quote to add a special touch!

2. THE CONTEXT: what is surrounding the text? what is the environment around the words?

Is it handwritten by special marker or lipstick on the bathroom mirror? Is it a love letter written on the back of a jigsaw puzzle?

The context of your letter is your presentation. For any love letter, contact “sets the mood” for the romantic element. The following represent a variety of examples of context from sample love letters:

    1. message in a bottle: This is the stuff memories are made of! (See “Message in a Bottle” with Kevin Costner) This one’s a little hard to handle logistically. Don’t bother using the bath tub to float the bottle!

  1. bathroom mirror notes: This is a nice touch. Use special colored markers for just this purpose!
  2. the letter hunts: Tell your wife (using a sticky-note or paper on the fridge) that you have five love notes scattered around the house. Looking out for them will simply make her day!
  3. the letter series: Multiple notes or letters for special occasions.
    • 12 days of Christmas
    • 5 letters–one per day leading up to the fifth letter on your 5th Anniversary
    • a letter-per-day-when- you’re-away: revealing the location of a hidden letter, each day you’re gone on a business trip will make your wife eager for your return!
  4. the puzzle love letter: Invest time making a jigsaw puzzle. Then write a love note on the back of it. Put the puzzle back in the box and give it to your lover!
  5. letters of legacy: Use occasions like before marriage, on the occasion of a child’s birth, at the resolution of a crisis as opportunities to write love ltters to each other. Read them, and put them away in a “legacy box” to be opened say, 10 years later–or at the celebration of an anniversary.
  6. love letter book mark: Write a letter and place it in your husband’s book. The element of surpise is always a wonderful context for your note.
  7. newspaper love letter: Compose a love letter. Then find each word from your love letter in a newspaper. Start at the first page of the paper, circling all the words from your note in the same order as your note. You lover will need a pen and paper for this one!

3. THE SUBTEXT: the story within the story

Your love letter needs to have occasional reference to a hidden meaning, a veiled reference, or a “story” that is assumed and understood by lovers, but others who read the letter would be oblivious to the hidden message.

  • “our talk yesterday made me wish I could stay at your side forever”
  • “the surpise you gave me on Tuesday…”

A very simple example relates to an old ’76 Ford I drove while going out with my date, Carrie (now my wife). One winter, the heater was broken. “Turning up the heat” was a rather obvious “hidden reference” to getting closer and cuddling.

Referring to the ideas of text, context, and subtext, why don’t you use some of our sample love letters to craft your own sizzling love note?!

Make the Call: Strikeouts or Homeruns?

Phones in the bedroom… yes or no? Let me tell you about a couple’s recent experience that helped them decide whether keeping a phone on their bedside table was a good idea or not. (This is a true story though names have been changed to protect the innocent.)

Harry and Sally enjoy “morning sex” on their days off especially because they can relax, take plenty of time, and really take pleasure in lingering in each other’s arms. This story begins on their day off when they woke up about 7 am.

7 AM
After a quick visit to the washroom, Harry and Sally brushed their teeth and then returned to bed for some relaxing “skin time”. For the next 30 minutes, they dozed on and off as they talked about plans for their day and prayed together.

8 AM
Shortly before 8 am, Sally cuddled up a little more closely to Harry and they began foreplay. As time progressed, lovemaking became more passionate and heated!

CALL #1
Suddenly, Harry’s cell phone rang! After letting it ring several times, Harry scrambled to find the phone and answer it. He ended the call quickly and politely but the interruption was enough to set them back in their lovemaking. Sally teased Harry, “That’s strike one!” Harry and Sally immediately re-engaged in foreplay and, after a few minutes, were back to where they were before the phone call.

CALL #2
Suddenly, the home phone started ringing! A quick peek at the caller id indicated an early call from the office…probably not urgent but still important. Harry answered the call, promising to call back later with the information being requested. Sally smiled, “That’s strike two! What happens if we get another phone call? Strike three? Strike out?!”

Harry and Sally were determined to get back into lovemaking and finish without any more interruptions! Their passion escalated with a hint of desperation. Soon they were lost to the world…only focused on each other. Passion gave way to climax! Homerun!

CALL #3
Just seconds later, Harry’s cell phone rang again! Harry, still trying to get his breath from the passionate lovemaking gasped, “Sally, you answer the phone! I can’t talk!” Demurely, Sally answered the call and politely offered the caller, “Harry’s not available at the moment. He’ll call you back soon.” She hung up the phone. Sally turned to Harry, “That was a close call…almost strike three!”

Image courtesy of Feelart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Feelart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Over the next few minutes, Harry and Sally realized that either all phones needed to stay out of the bedroom or phone ringers needed to be turned off to “silent”. They were determined … No more strikes during lovemaking! Only homeruns!

MAKE THE CALL
Do you and your spouse need to have a “no phone/no texts/no email” policy to protect your times of intimacy? Like Harry and Sally, do you risk “striking out” in the bedroom!?!