The Couple that Plays Together Stays Together

Posted on May 3, 2012 by Carrie

“The couple that plays together stays together.”
This proverb packs a lot of truth!

Playing and having fun together helps keep the friendship bond strong between a husband and wife. Life requires a couple to take on plenty of responsibilities: careers, scheduling, parenting, housework, finances, and more. Without times of playing together, couples may not be more than managers of their household and their friendship bond weakens.

What do you and your spouse do together for fun, leisure, and play? Every couple answers that differently according to their unique interests.  It’s important you find fun activities to share to remind you that you aren’t only business or parenting partners or household managers.  You are best friends! Sharing fun, playful times and laughing together helps keep your friendship healthy and strong!

Some couples enjoy playing sports together.  Others enjoy the arts.  Some enjoy leisurely walks through their city or local park. Others enjoy playing board games together.

Let me suggest a recreational activity that you may not have considered as playful.

Fun and laughter are healthy for your marriage!

  • Times of lovemaking are often very passionate and intense.
  • At other times, sex is gentle and sensual.
  • Consider though, that sexual intimacy can also be a time of fun and playfulness a couple enjoys together!

Every married couple needs to have regular times of playing, laughing, and having fun together during times of sexual intimacy.  Sex ought not to be sombre, dull, and boring.

If sex isn’t ever playful for you and your spouse, change something! Perhaps you need to consider a different location, position, or routine. Incorporate storytelling or role-playing to give your intimacy a playful spin. Don’t allow sex with your spouse to be “same old, same old” or just another chore on your “to do list”. Healthy sex often includes laughter and fun!

Playful sex between a husband and wife strengthens the friendship bond and ultimately strengthens the marriage!

Image: imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net


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Settling for a “Good Enough” Marriage?

Posted on February 4, 2012 by Carrie

Jim Collins, in his classic business/leadership book Good to Great, discusses the powerful concept of Level 5 Leaders.  Level 5 Leaders lead their lives and their businesses to great success.

Are you a Level 5 Leader in regards to your marriage?  That’s what it will take to move your marriage from good to great!

“If good is the enemy of great—and I believe it is—the current trends in leadership give the decided edge to the enemy.” ~Jim Collins

Let me challenge you to take on the Level 5 Leader qualities and you will see your marriage move from just “good enough” to absolutely great!

Level 5 leadership qualities and how they apply to our marriages:

  • embrace personal humility; defer to our spouse’s needs
  • strengthen the will; do the right thing no matter how hard it is!
  • are ambitious for the cause; do we make choices based on our own selfish wants or for the good of our marriage?
  • practice “the window and the mirror”;  give your spouse and others credit for successes (look out the window to see others) and be willing to take personal responsibility for failings (use the mirror to view yourself)
  • effectively inspire with integrity and hard work; be sincere and hard working in leading your marriage

Whew! Developing Level 5 Leadership Qualities is challenging, but that’s what it will take to have a Great Marriage!  Don’t settle for just a “good enough” marriage.  Commit yourself to leading your marriage and family to success!

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How Carrie & Jim Regained Sexual Intimacy After Her Aneurysm

Posted on January 21, 2012 by Carrie

Part 3 by Carrie

Four and a half months ago, I underwent a 7-hour brain surgery to repair a brain aneurysm.  I am thankful to God for the many healthcare professionals whose expertise helped me through the surgery and recovery.  God continues to pour out His grace in my life as I recover from the trauma of brain surgery.  At this time, I have no need for

Before and after photos of Carrie's recovery.

therapy of any kind. I only use medication to help me sleep.  I expect to have weaned myself off of the medication completely by Valentine’s Day!

During these past months, you can imagine what happened to what was previously a very healthy sexual relationship between Jim and I.  Though sex was “put on hold” during the critical time of my illness, we learned that sexual intimacy could be restored! As I think back over my recovery, I recognize there are keys to overcoming medical challenges and renewing sexual intimacy.  Here are tips to use when you are the spouse with an extended medical condition:

  • Be Proactive About Getting Well:  rest, take therapy, use prescribed medication properly, exercise, eat healthy in order to help your body recover and gain strength
  • Do What You Can to Stay Encouraged: pray, read books or listen to podcasts that are motivational and help you have a positive outlook, play music you enjoy and that gives you a sense of well-being
  • Be Cautious About What You Focus On: avoid feelings of self-pity; rather, become more sensitive to the needs of your spouse who is well
  • Be Intentional About Physical Affection: keep kissing, cuddle often, be creative in how you bring your spouse to orgasm if intercourse isn’t a viable option
  • Give Your Marriage the Best of You:  as your strength improves, make sexual intimacy a priority and use your energy for your marriage relationship; realize that shopping or doing housework may sap your energy leaving little strength for sex
  • Keep Saying “I love you”: your spouse is making sacrifices during the time you heal and recover; thank him/her for being understanding, for their support and the personal care they give you; those three little words are powerful in keeping the two of you connected emotionally!

Finally, during those times that do require abstinence from sex, it’s important to increase non-sexual touches and focus on deepening spiritual, intellectual, and emotional intimacy.

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Two Important Keys to Marital Intimacy During Extended Illness!

Posted on November 15, 2011 by Carrie

Part 2 by Carrie

How do a husband and wife keep their sexual relationship healthy during times of serious illness especially when the recovery takes time?  Here are two keys Jim and I have learned are very important!

1.  Regular Communication. Jim and I must be willing to talk about the impact my brain aneurysm is having on our sexual relationship. No doubt, both of us have thoughts about the changes to our sexual relationship, but it’s so important that we share those thoughts and feelings with one another. It would be totally detrimental to our relationship to avoid talking about our sexual intimacy and allow the topic to become the “white elephant in the room”.

It can be difficult sharing our feelings of disappointment, frustration, loneliness, rejection, and more with our spouse. But we owe it to one another to speak openly and honestly (with kindness!). Without open sharing, we run the risk of allowing misunderstandings to come between us.

Initiate conversations with your spouse on the subject of your sexual relationship regularly. Ask your spouse how he/she is feeling. Brainstorm together on ways to work through the challenges.

Ask God for help!

 2. Pray together. The challenges facing a husband and wife during times of serious illness are too difficult to assume that the couple can overcome them on their own. Invite God into the situation!

  • Thank God for the healing while asking for a complete recovery
  • Ask God to help draw the two of you closer despite the “hindrances” brought on by the medical condition
PS.  We’ll be sharing more tips in a future blog post!

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Marital Intimacy During Times of Serious Illness

Posted on November 5, 2011 by Carrie

Part 1 by Carrie

This past July 2011 Jim and I celebrated 29 wonderful years of marriage! Honestly, with each passing year, our relationship has grown deeper and more intimate! I feel cherished by Jim as he consistently expresses his sacrificial love for me. Jim would admit that our sexual intimacy has developed to a level that helps meet his need for physical touch and intimacy. Jim and I have already begun dreaming about our 30th anniversary in 2012 expecting that our love for each other will have blossomed more  than ever before!

2 days after Carrie's brain surgery

Fast forward two months to September 7, 2011
That day we were blindsided by a serious medical emergency. At 9 am that morning, without any warning, I collapsed due to severe brain haemorrhaging and, within 2 days, underwent a 7 hour brain surgery!

Following the surgery, I had a 3 week hospital stay at a hospital 2 hours from our home. I was grateful that Jim was able to spend a lot of time with me at the hospital, but our relationship had to take a major adjustment! We missed:

  • private conversations
  • laughing together
  • cuddling and having sex
  • sharing passionate kisses
  • and all the personal expressions of intimacy that we would normally share together

Was our marriage going to suffer because of my serious illness? No! Jim and I weren’t going to settle for that! How we prevented that from happening is what we want to share with you.

Challenges: The doctors told me not to expect to go back to work for 3 months. I should expect to be fatigued and need daily naps to help regain my strength. How were Jim and I to begin the road back to the level of marital intimacy we enjoyed just 2 months prior? The fact was that my recovery was going to take time. Even now, the incision on my head is still sensitive. I am cautious whenever I move my head and neck. I don’t have the strength and stamina I used to have.

Jim and I will be sharing a few keys that we have and are learning on this difficult journey we’ve just embarked on 2 months ago. Of course, we hope you’ll never go through an experience like ours nor need to use the advice we will be sharing!

It is important for couples to be prepared for the difficult times of life. Unfortunately, many couples face serious illness or some other tragedy without being equipped to navigate the difficulty together without their marriage becoming a casualty through it all.

Watch for practical tips in our next article! (If you know of a couple facing physical difficulties, please share these articles with them!)

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Carrie Update: Sept 13

Posted on September 13, 2011 by Josh

Carrie continues to feel well.

Tests have indicated there are subtle changes in her condition:

  • Some constricting of blood vessels is occurring (vasospasms)
  • There is a slight diminishing of strength in her left arm (reflecting on the right side of the brain where the operation occurred)

To adjust to the changes, the doctors are attempting to increase Carrie’s blood pressure so that the blood vessels in the brain will exert more pressure and not contract.

We are reminding ourselves that all we need has already been provided for us through Jesus’ work on the cross! (2 Peter 1:3; 1 Peter 2:24). Thinking of this, I have a picture in my mind of the overflowing grace and favour of Jesus pouring like a waterfall on to Carrie in her hospital bed!

We are gratefully anticipating great things: thank you so much for your prayers!

- Jim

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Carrie’s Update: Monday, September 12, 6 pm.

Posted on September 12, 2011 by Josh

Mom, I'm sorry for using this picture... you'll probably shoot me, but it has me, dad and you in it!! - Josh

Dear Readers,

As expected, Carrie’s recovery is coming along well, and she could now be moved from ICU as soon as a bed becomes available in the observation ward. She sat up in a chair for her meals, and has been awake a little bit longer today.

As I type, Carrie is beside me in a chair, editing my comments and adding her own. From now on, these updates will definitely be ours.

With the head bandage removed, it is somewhat noticeable that Carrie’s hairline has receded a few inches on her right side, with 39 stainless steel staples providing unique accessories for the new coiffure!

We are so grateful to Jesus that headaches have subsided, and vital signs are near the normal levels.  Since last Thursday, Carrie has experienced double vision, and has been using a patch to keep one eye closed, but in the last few hours she has noticed that it is definitely improving! Someone must be praying :)

Actually, we’d both like to say “Thank You!” again for your prayers and kind deeds! Through it all, we are amazed as the grace of God and love of Jesus for us and for our family!

- Jim and Carrie

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Update on Mom’s/Carrie’s condition: Friday, September 09, 2011

Posted on September 9, 2011 by Josh

Carrie/Mom holding her newest grandchild, Vienna Kaylee Jane Gordon (pic taken Feb 2, 2011)

I received this email from Jim (my Dad) this morning. You MUST read it.

- Josh

Praise Jesus, Carrie’s operation was totally successful!

At the time of the writing of this update, it is 4 am and the surgical team has just finished a long, 7 hour operation. The procedure was more involved than they anticipated it might be: the chief surgeon was of the opinion that there were other, smaller bleeds from the same spot in the past, since the blood clotting was more extensive than expected.

Regardless, the aneurism is repaired with no chance of reoccurrence, and all blood clotting is removed. Due to the extensive operation, Carrie will be in the ICU for the weekend with no visitors allowed except immediate family.

We are so excited that things went so well—and are encouraged to believe for a great recovery. Carrie will be under close observation for up to 3 weeks, as there are a number of concerns stemming from the original hemorrhaging (see yesterday’s post), that are still to be faced—but the Lord is with us!

We have all really felt the Lord’s peace and joy sustaining us thus far, and we’d like to thank everyone so much for your prayers! He has been so very gracious to us! We are learning to find great rest in the victory He unquestionably secured by His work at Calvary!

Full updates here.

 

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Emergency Brain Surgery for Carrie:

Posted on September 8, 2011 by Josh

This is something I hate to write.

Yesterday morning, Carrie/Mom collapsed and was rushed to hospital. Doctors confirmed a brain aneurism, and quickly transferred her to a larger, better equipped hospital out of town. She’ll probably be having emergency surgery sometime today.

Doctors say that statistically, 1/3 of brain aneurisms are fatal. 1/3 result in life changing circumstances. 1/3 have full recoveries. Clearly, mom hasn’t died. She also has full control of her motor skills and faculties. It seems she’s in that last 1/3.

We believe that God will guide Carrie to a full recovery!

Here’s what you can do:

1) Pray. For peace for our family. For supernatural skill for the surgeons. For extra strength and resolve. For God’s undertaking. For LOADS of good to come out of this.

2) Spread the word. Click here to tweet out a prayer request.

3) Leave well wishes/prayers/etc on our Facebook page.

Thanks so much everyone. We’ll keep you updated.

Joshua Gordon, on behalf of the Gordon family.

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5 Ways to Escape a Slump

Posted on September 7, 2011 by Josh

We stopped doing the little things - and it began to take its toll...

Over the past week, Sarah and I (for a host of reasons) have been feeling under the weather – and not just in a physical sense. We stopped doing the little things… We’ve stopped motivating ourselves to chase down our dreams. We’ve let our relationship slide. We’ve allowed ourselves to be short with our kids. We’ve let our sex life lose its luster. It’s begun to take its toll; we’ve been grumpy. Rude. Short. Snappy. Our house is a mess. Nothing is fun.

This week, we held a family conference. It wasn’t super long or elaborate or anything. Sar and I confronted the situation and decided to change things. In order to pull ourselves out of this slump we’ve been in, we’re going back to the basics. We’re re-starting the little things that created the success we’ve drifted from. Here’s our game plan:

  1. Protect date nights. By putting a fence around our thursday nights, we demonstrate to one another the priority we place on one another. Even if we’ve had a crap day – we get the kids to bed early, and (worst case scenario) have a stay-date. Wine, popcorn, a movie – things we love to connect over.
  2. Have lots of sex. Even when we don’t feel like it, we’ve decided to make sure we’re regularly connecting sexually. Nothing draws us as close to one another as love making.
  3. Treat each other really well. This can be tough when we don’t ‘feel like it’ – but sometimes we need to direct ourselves. When we were first married, this was easy. It flowed naturally. Today, there are times when we need to force it. And force it we do.
  4. Show love in small ways. I’ll make breakfast for Sarah. She’ll buy me a small gift. We’ll touch each other non-sexually often throughout the day. We’ll massage one anothers shoulders for a few minutes every once in a while.
  5. Regularly clean the house. It’s amazing how much cleaning the kitchen together can do. It’s amazing how much emptying the overflowing trash can do. It’s amazing what cleaning out the sink can do.  It might seem like an odd place to connect, but we’re re-discovering how great it can be.
If you’re in a slump – do these 5 things. We’re already reaping the benefits.

 

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